What's in Your Backpack?

Everyone has burdens that they carry in their life’s backpack on a daily basis.  These burdens come in all sizes and configurations. They can be good burdens to have while others are ones we would just as soon not have to carry. There are times when we are able to remove a burden or two from our backpack, lightening our load and there are times when we have to take on an additional load. There are other times when the burdens we carry will grow and add more weight to our backpack.  But we know that everyone is carrying around burdens in that backpack of theirs.

I just wish that there was some type of weigh station similar to what you see on our nation’s interstates where you can go to check to see if you are overloaded so you don’t do permanent damage to yourself. But there seems to be no weight limit sign on our backpacks and no governing official to say we are at our maximum weight limit.

Some of the burdens we carry are a result of our own choices – some good, some bad.  Other burdens in our backpack have been added without any choice or agreement from us.  It has been thrust upon us and we must learn to adjust to the new burden as we move on down life’s highway.  Unfortunately, we often see those who have given out under the weight of their burden and are seating at the side of the road, either waiting for a second wind, or a hand up, or a person to take some of the weight out of their backpack. Sadly, in some severe cases, they have completely cratered under the load they have accumulated.

For most of the burdens we carry in our backpack, we have an assigned pocket to carry it in.  We are able to add pockets and we can adjust our pockets to accommodate the burdens that are in our backpack. These pockets can help to balance out the weight in our backpacks so that we can better handle the totality of the weight the burdens bear in the backpack.  As the different burdens are secured we become accustomed to the balance of the new weight and can resume our normal activities.

However, one of the most severe and challenging of burdens that are added to our life’s backpack is the death of a loved one, especially the death of one of our children.  The burden of grief is the most difficult to manage in our backpack.  Contrary to what many people think (and they are usually people who have never had to carry this particular burden of grief), this is not a weight that you can remove from your backpack. It is not a burden you can ‘get over’, get rid of or can forget you have contained in your satchel. The burden of grief becomes a constant weight in your backpack of life.  You never get rid of it and you really never get used to it. Grief never gets lighter.  And most worrisome of all is that this weight cannot be secured in a pocket.

What does happen when a person has this permanent burden of grief added to their life’s backpack is that the person becomes accustomed to the added weight as long as it doesn’t shift around too much.  We eventually learn to carry it better so that to an untrained eye, it appears that we are “back to normal”. 

In reality, if something happens that causes that burden to shift in our backpack we are suddenly reminded of that originating experience of grief and the life and love that was snuffed out too soon.  Because of that shift in weight, we may falter or fall to the wayside of the highway. We may wince or cry out in pain or we may re-injure ourselves causing us to temporarily detour off of our life’s journey.  And, not insignificantly, that original pain of grief is seen by all.

There are times in a year where you can expect that weight to shift and cause pain again – birthdays, death days, most holidays, and other special family occasions. You can count on experiencing varying amounts of pain on those days. And those who are walking with you will know and understand the reason for your pain and tears and will be there to provide support and comfort as you sit by the road for a while.  But there are other days, when the weight unexpectedly shifts as a result of a sound, a scene, a word, a song, a person, a thing, a picture – and that grief pain strikes suddenly and catches us off guard. At those times, we are thrown off balance and will need time to readjust the ‘weight’ and allow for the pain to subside slowly. After a period of time, minutes to days, we can resume our journey.

So if you see a person struggling with their burden, either staggering back and forth on the road or sitting on the side of the road with tears in their eyes there’s a good chance you have encountered someone whose burden of grief has shifted on them and they are struggling under the load.  It would be a blessing to them if you would volunteer to adjust your gait to theirs for a time and keep them company. And, if need be, offer to sit with them and allow them to talk about that burden as they are forced to readjust that load. Your compassionate companionship and your empathetic ear will mean a lot as they ready themselves to pick up their backpack of burdens and resume their journey of life.