This Friday, March 11, would have been Jacob's 28th birthday. Richard and I have shared often about his life and how he impacted so many. Today, I want to share a little bit about Ben and Katie.
This week is always filled with lots of memories for us, so bear with me. On March 8, 1988, Richard and I boarded an airplane to Philadelphia to deliver a sick baby at an unknown hospital. His future was so grim and we were going to a place where we knew nobody and had no idea of how long we would be there. At that time, the treatment of HLHS (hypoplastic left heart syndrome), was in its infancy stage and we were going to one of two hospitals in the country that were having any success with surgeries. Jacob was scheduled to be the 76th baby to have this series of procedures performed on him.
In the weeks leading up to us leaving for Philadelphia, I would have uncontrollable crying spells over the thought of leaving Ben (age 8), and Katie (age 2). We lived in Houston, Texas, at the time and had no family nearby. Richard's parents came out to take care of them, but the kids weren't really used to them.
Fortunately, we had wonderful friends to fill in the gap. I will never forget pulling out of the driveway and waving to Ben, who was crying inconsolably, and Katie, who was waving at us with an adorable smile. In the few days before Jacob was born, our access to them was so limited (this was before cell phones, FaceTime, etc). There were no phones in our room at the Ronald McDonald House - just one phone for the whole floor. Hospital phones were almost nonexistent.
One night, the song from the movie "American Tale" (a family favorite) came on the radio in our room. When we heard those words:
"Somewhere, out there, beneath a pale moon light,
Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight,"
"And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star"
"And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky"
Richard and I were overcome with such anguish and grief over missing these two. Today, whenever I hear this song, sung by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville, I am still transported back to this time in my life and overcome with deep emotion.
From the time we came home with Jacob, Ben and Katie's lives were changed. I was totally housebound with a very medically fragile child that no one, not even our doctors, knew how to take care of. I missed many important school events, baseball and soccer games, church events, etc. I spent several birthdays holding Jacob on the steps in our kitchen, watching while Richard held outdoor birthday parties for Ben and Katie. Our doctors were adamant about Jacob being around as few children as possible. This meant no play dates or sleep-overs at our house for Ben and Katie. Their childhood had to adjust to the needs of their sick baby brother. They grew up learning how to read pulse oximetry machines, taking blood pressures, giving lots of meds, spending endless hours in doctor and hospital waiting rooms (before you had smart phones to entertain them).
When they became teenagers, they were not allowed the luxury of teenage drama. Somehow, they both just knew that Richard and I couldn't deal with any more stress. They did well in school, had after school jobs, made good friends, and were always there to help when there was a crisis, of which there were many.
They both had to change schools several times during their middle and high school years due to church changes. It was very difficult, but they handled it with grace and dignity.
Today, they have successful careers, married perfect mates, and live meaningful and purposeful lives. Somehow, despite having a childhood that meant putting their brother's needs before their own, they have never shown any resentment towards Jacob. I am sure they must have felt it, but it never stopped them from loving and taking care of him and each other. He was lucky to have them for a brother and sister.
It is hard for me to write about these "two," when it still should be these "three;" however, it is what is. I have always said that the best job I ever had was being a mom and these two made it such an honor to be their mom. They somehow just know how to step up and support their parents, whether it is in the years following the death of their brother, or burying a beloved grandmother, or helping us deal with the aftermath of a flood. I love them both and am so proud of the adults they have become. I look forward to see what the future holds for them.
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