Three Beeps

by Richard Edfeldt

Whenever I drive by the cemetery where Jacob is buried I beep my carhorn 3 times, in essence saying “I Love You.”  I know, I know, I can hear some of you rolling your eyes and saying, “That’s something we did as teenagers.”  That’s true, it was popular thing to do a generation ago to honk your horn 3 times whenever you drove by your girlfriend’s house to let her know of ‘your undying and unabashed love for her.’  I’m sure that the parents and neighbors were glad to hear that reminder that as well!

I’ve been told that my beeping of my carhorn for Jacob is kind of silly and corny.  And if you think about it logically, it is because …. he can’t even hear it!  But I still do it and here’s why:  I find that it gives me a sense of connectedness to him and a way of saying, “You’re not forgotten.  I still love you and miss you.”

 

There are other ways people figuratively ‘beep a horn’ in remembrance of those they’ve loved and lost:

-  People carry around special items

    - I have 2 fish shaped carabiners on my work backpack that were Jacob’s

- People keep special clothes

   - Karen occasionally wears a shirt of Jacob’s from when he was a part of an informal club that he and 3other friends in high school created called BTEC – Better Than Everyone Club.  Yeah, they made shirts and everything!
   - Some of Jacob’s closest college friends took one of Jacob’s tee shirts and stuffed it into a big pillow and gave it to us so we could feel close to him.
   - I have kept several souvenir shirts from Jacob’s theatrical endeavors.  Our plans are to create a memory  quilt from them.

Beth's painting

- People display pictures

   - We have various pictures of Jacob with family and friends we have scattered around the house.
   - We also have two paintings that were done for us.  One by our talented daughter-in-law, Beth (and based on a picture taken by Christine Tegg) and a portrait done by a cousin of Karen's.
   - Plus we have scanned a host of pictures of him throughout his life so we don’t lose them (like we did with some of them in our recent flood).

- People eat special food and meals

   - On significant days we eat Mexican food because that was a favorite of Jacob.
   - I periodically eat a Subway sandwich that Jacob would request when there was a period of time when that was all he wanted and he was allowed to eat.
   - On occasion we’ll get snack foods (flaming hot cheetos, sour punch gummy worms, Cheerwine) in memory of him
   - We have signs on our back porch of Mountain Dew and Cheerwine because they were favorite drinks of his.

- People have special signals and movements

  - You can’t watch a sporting event without seeing a player tap their heart and point to the sky in memory of a loved one.
  - And I beep when I pass the cemetery.
    

So, you see, there is a host of ways we who have loved and lost someone do something to keep that person who is no longer an active part of our life an active memory in our life.

Is that really so bad or corny to do?

Me with the Shorter College tee shirt Jacob gave me to announce his acceptance into the school.