Does It Ever Get Any Easier?

by Richard Edfeldt

Does it ever get any easier .....

to talk to others about Jacob’s life and his death?

to survive special dates like his birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and other holidays?

to survive special events within our family and in the lives of our friends that we know we'll never experience with Jacob

  - such as birth of babies and all the parties that precede it?

  - weddings of friends' children who shared their childhood with Jacob or are the approximate age as he would be plus all the showers leading up to that blessed event?

to drive through neighborhoods and stop in front of houses from years gone by where we shared life with Jacob, Ben, and Katie, remembering all the good times experienced within those walls?

to drive by schools and other places where Jacob went or participated in functions?

to walk through hospital hallways and visit in rooms which inevitably evoke countless memories?

to sit in the same church sanctuary and recall images of him worshiping in the balcony or helping to lead in worship with a group?

to be in that same church sanctuary and remember where you sat at his memorial service?

to drive by graveyards, particularly the one where he is interred, and be jolted once again with the finality of it all?

Is it any easier after all these intervening years?   

Well, it may be easier to cope with emotions and control your feelings better   

    .... the tears are less frequent   

         .... you may even smile at the memories

              .... and you may share a laugh about an experience or a quirk of his personality

              

BUT, grief still sneaks up on you unexpectedly as well as the expected times listed above.  Sometimes you can make it through the day or event, but just as often you can't suppress the tide of grief that rises within you.  The sadness and grief can still overwhelm you.

So, the ultimate answer is NO, it never gets easier.  You are just caught off guard less, but the grief still remains, ever lurking in the shadows.