Yesterday, I celebrated my 65th birthday.
No big parties or trips were involved. In fact, I spent the day working on the road,
away from Karen and home. I have
officially reached the age when you begin saying, “I celebrate every day that I
can open my eyes in the morning!” It is
increasingly sobering to see and hear of friends and celebrities that are near
my age or younger that have finished their course of life. So, I cherish each
day.
On my special day yesterday, I was ‘blessed’ by the many
businesses that wanted to participate in my birthday with offers of discounted
buys or a free dessert or appetizer. Isn’t that so thoughtful?
And I appreciated the ‘concern’ that many insurance agencies
had in seeing that my aging body would be well cared for in the twilight of my years.
Throughout the day, I enjoyed seeing the “Happy Birthday”
greetings on the various forms of social media that came from new friends and
old friends and those Facebook friends I have never met.
I have enjoyed receiving the cards that were mailed (yes,
some people still do that!) expressing their good wishes on my special day,
though some ‘good wishes’ were rather snarky.
But that’s alright, I’m a rather snarky kind of guy.
Karen snuck a birthday card in my suitcase, expressing a
happy birthday and how we will continue to grow old together. Ben and Katie calling at different times
during the day, saying “Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you.” It filled my soul
with love and joy and pride.
Those of you who are grandparents will understand this the
best, but the highlight of my day was when my grandkids appeared on my phone
via a recorded message or Facetime!
Nothing can match the fullness of love I felt in hearing Abby say “Happy
birthday, Pops. I love you” and to see Caleb flash a big smile and blow me
sloppy kisses from his highchair decorated with his supper. That was quickly
followed up by Tucker, Libby, and Zane singing “happy birthday” to me and for them
to tell me of their day.
My cup of love was truly overflowing (as well as my eyes).
But, even in these special times of expressed love, I sensed
a diminishing in my spirit. There was in the rich mixture of love a darker tinge
of grief that appeared.
I live for the love of my wife, kids, grandkids, family, and
friends. Love is the very essence of
life. Yet in that essence I am often
reminded of a vacuum. Special days like
birthdays and holidays seem to make that vacuum more noticeable. My cup of love is filled to overflowing by
those present in my life. Yet there always begins an abatement of love that
seeks to fill the vacuum caused by the loss of Jacob. It doesn't matter that his death was 10 years ago, the tears of love become mixed with a few
tears of grief.
It’s inevitable. It’s unavoidable. It’s life. It’s death. It’s
love.
