It started out as another normal Saturday…. taking care of a
few household chores and then settling in to watch some college football. As I watching some of the best games of the
day, I was doing some mindless computer work and internet surfing. I saw a commercial advertising that the
musical, Wicked, is coming to the Peace Center in Greenville, SC next
February. I quickly got on their
website and checked about the availability of some tickets to see this play
that evokes so many memories of our years with Jacob. I was happy to be able to
secure some good tickets that will serve as a nice Valentine’s present for
Karen.
I called up my calendar on my computer in order to record
this outing…when it hit me. On a note
posted on this date is a reminder that seven years ago Jacob underwent his
second heart transplant. It jolted me to
my core!!! I had forgotten the
importance of this day!
To anyone who has lost a child or another close loved one
there are certain days of the year that hold a higher and poignant significance.
Days like birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, holidays, and,
especially, the day we lost our loved one conjure up memories of that person. In Jacob’s case, we add on two more momentous
days – the dates of his two heart transplants.
I have written in previous notes I’ve posted on Facebook that
for many friends of Jacob’s and friends of our family, they have continued on
in their lives. They recall occasionally a happy memory of their time with
Jacob but, for the most part, those memories are shelved in a remote section of
the brain as they deal with other things in life. And that is to be expected …. for them. But not for parent or sibling or spouse who
has lost a loved one. Those memories
stay closer to the surface and many things will bring those memories to mind on
a daily basis. But special days, like were listed earlier, will stir those
memories up to remembrance like a blast of arctic air that takes your breath
away when you open the door.
However, friends and well wishers will whisper to one
another about their grieving friend, ‘some day they will get over it and, I
hope for their sake, they get over it soon and move on.’
So, is this the day I’ve ‘gotten over it and moved on’? Did the busyness of the day of getting chores
done in time to watch my favorite teams play cause me to momentarily forget
about the significance of the day? Some
would say that’s a good thing. If so,
why do I feel so ashamed? How could I
forget this day among a handful of others that impacted us so deeply? Are the
memories of Jacob fading from view?
I guess this is may be a new phase of the grieving
process. We don’t talk of Jacob as often. You may have
noticed I don’t post as many things about him as I once did. We recognize that people have moved on and
there’s an awkwardness with some people when we bring up a memory of him in
their presence. As a result, in a sense,
we have gone underground with our grieving. But I assure you, we still grieve!
There are still times of sadness and tears, but mainly in private.
So the seventh anniversary of Jacob’s second heart
transplant nearly slipped by me, but it didn’t.
Some would say it would have been a good sign if it had. Who knows, maybe some year it may slip by me
entirely. If or when that happens and I come to realize it, I expect I’ll feel
as ashamed as I do today. I never want
to get to the point of ‘getting over it’ that I forget days like today. Jacob’s
life means too much to me. I may get to a point where I fail to post some tribute
(as I have in the past and like this today) but I hope I will always have quiet
moments of reflection on days like this.
I’ll close this somewhat sobering and sad tribute with my
favorite memory of that mind boggling day that I posted last year on this day -
http://embracinggrief.blogspot.com/2013/11/another-anniversary-by-richard.html.
