Another Anniversary

by Richard Edfeldt

For a person or a family that has lost a loved one, the grieving process is never complete … you only cope with it better and can mask the pain easier (most of the time). Sometimes the pain comes back in the most unexpected times and ways. It could be triggered by a song we sung together, a billboard with a word or picture that reminds you of an occasion, a car that is identical to what your loved one drove, a stranger who looks like him or her from the back, … strange things that remind you of how much your loved one is missed.

But then there are days you expect it. On the calendar you can see it coming for weeks ahead … and you begin to dread the dawning of that day. This day is one of them.

Everyone who has lost a loved one has a list of days that they may dread. There are the obvious ones, like birthdays, holidays, and the death anniversary. For parents who have lost a child, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are tough ones to endure. But for Karen and me, we have some added ones and today is one of them – today is the 6^th anniversary of Jacob’s second heart transplant.

Many of you participated in the vigil leading up to this event six years ago. Many of you cared for us and supported us. Many of you celebrated the successful surgery that gave Jacob another chance to live, though at an immeasurable cost to another family.

But for this anniversary, I can actually smile, amid the tears, at some of the remembrances of that day and the time leading up to it. Permit me to share on such memory and, maybe, you can smile too.

On November14, 2007, Jacob had completed yet another agonizing round of treatments in an effort to stop the body from rejecting his sick heart. But to no avail. His body was slowly shutting down. His name was now on top of the donor list. In one last ditch effort, the doctors had scheduled a procedure to extend his life while waiting for a donor heart to appear. They were planning to attach Jacob to a Ventricular Assist Device (VAD) that would serve as a temporary bridge until that heart could be found. This procedure had its own risks and you could sense a grimness in the tone as the doctors described this procedure to us. This surgery was scheduled for the morning of the 15^th.  But in the mean time, they encouraged us to gather any family and loved ones from out of town.

Ben, Beth, and baby Tucker had been flown in from Texas on the 14th to be with Jacob. What a way to celebrate Beth’s birthday – to fly across country in hopes of seeing your brother-in-law for possibly the last time!

They arrived shortly before midnight …. and five minutes later the tenor of the night changed dramatically.  A cardiac intern came to the door and announced nonchalantly that a donor heart had been located and preparations for a transplant were underway. He calmly walked away and we stared at each other not believing what we had just heard. In fact, Karen and I chased the intern down and made him repeat his announcement to make sure we hadn’t dreamed it. It was true; Jacob would undergo a second heart transplant in a number of hours.

We came back into the room and shared tears and hugs and began the arduous wait, but not without a funny incident that occurred  that always brings a smile to me when I remember it because it was ‘so Jacob’.

In the wee hours as we waited, a young (I mean YOUNG) chaplain intern came in to see how we were doing. She sat herself down in the circle of family and just watched the banter and verbal interplay that was going on around Jacob.  Every once in a while, she would try out something she had learned in a class and ask Jacob, “Well, how do you feel about this?” (Seriously? You’re asking such an inane, obviously answered question to someone who has just received a new opportunity for life?)

My favorite quote of hers was when she blurted out in the middle of a spirited conversation, “This is as exciting as watching a ping-pong match!” (I am not kidding!)

After some time, (felt like hours), I saw Jacob typing something out on his phone. I assumed that he was texting with a college friend when suddenly MY phone vibrated. I checked on it and saw that it was a text from Jacob. Here’s what it said:

GET HER OUT OF HERE!!!!!!

My head popped up and focused on Jacob. I saw his devious smile and laughter in his eyes as he nodded his head to the poor chaplain intern.  I had to cough to stifle the laughter that was trying to get out.

I went to the nurses’ station and asked if there was a way for them to get the intern to leave and give us some family time and they quickly obliged us.

You know the rest of the story. They soon came for Jacob and, after a torturous day of waiting, we received word that he had a

new, healthy heart. The surgeon came to us with the news that the new heart was beating strongly in him. And Dr. Kantor added, ‘not a minute too soon. His old heart was thoroughly worn out.’

And you know, that was Jacob’s life – he thoroughly wore out three hearts! He lived life to the max on each one. He loved life, loved his family, loved his friends, and loved his Lord.

Jacob, you are missed every day but on this significant day, the hole in our life is very noticeable.