Okay, I had to do this. My wonderful brother, Ben, just posted a comment on Facebook about how stupid it was to have a movie remake of that wonderful television series, "The A-Team." I realize this show was pretty cheesy, but here's what I liked about it and the movie: good guys are obvious and bad guys are jerks. Good guys beat the bad guys, but you don't really see them get hurt. Just some silly, fun entertainment and a good way to spend an afternoon when you are tired of spending it with Grief - your new best friend.
So, what does the A-Team have to do with grief? You knew I was getting to that. Over the last 21 years, I have read a lot of books and talked with many people about the subject of pain and suffering. It would be so noble of me to say that Jacob and I never asked why. Well, sorry, we did. There were many times when he was in the hospital and he would look at me with the huge, brown eyes and ask, "Why, Momma, why me?" I had no profound words to say to him, because I would ask the same question when I was by myself. All I could say to him was that we were in this together. Sometimes he would say, "Mom, this really sucks, doesn't it?" He knew I hated that expression, but he was right. It did and it still does.
Back to the A-Team - some of the wisest advice I have received from friends, family, doctors, books, etc. is that when you are experiencing a very deep loss, it is necessary to surround yourself with an A-Team group of people. Okay, I know that really sounds like something Richard would write, but it just means that I have to make sure I am surrounded by people that will help me through this dark time in my life. I am so fortunate to have a loving, extended family, wonderful friends, and a very supportive work environment. Perhaps one of the best A-Teams I had this year was my class of 19 six year olds. There were many days when I would come to school crying and yet, when my students walked in, I knew I had to get to work and the tears would stop. On the days when they didn't, my wonderful team and other staff members would step in and take care of me and my class. My students were absolutely incredible. They never met Jacob, yet they always wanted to sit in his chair and hear stories about him and my other children. I brought his blue, canvas director chair to my classroom and every day, one child would get to sit in his chair.
Okay, I'll wrap up this A-Team idea: the best A-Team I have is my husband, Richard. After that, it would be my two older children, Ben and Katie. Richard is the perfect mate for me- we have been married for almost 34 years and I love him more now than when I married him. He is steadfast, calm, dependable, funny, really, really cute and quirky (a must for me), and sometimes, really weird. I am not letting him edit this blog - I tried with the first post and we almost had a fight..... seriously. He wants to write for the reader. I am writing this for me. I'll write more later about Richard, Ben and Katie and how they have helped me deal with this overwhelming grief.
Thank you for reading this. I know it is long. I'll try to stay on topic better. This is all new and pretty random right now.
Good Night!
Karen
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