After Jacob's death, Karen created this blog to record insights in her grief journey. I would periodically write my insights on notes posted to my Facebook page. We feel it would be best served if we combined our efforts so I am beginning the process of copying those notes to this blog. They won't be in chronological order but I will put the original date on each one.
I was walking the dogs this morning, trying to get back into the routine, and I was listening to my iPod. This is the one I bought for me when we bought one for Jacob after one of his many surgeries – yes, it’s that old! I’m guessing about 10 years ago.
I love these times early in the morning, when I can overcome my slothfulness, get out of bed, and put on walking clothes, and harness the dogs. I strap on the iPod that’s full of praise songs. This is my way of quiet time with God and it’s a time when I feel a particular closeness with Jacob.
I grew up in a singing family and I loved to sing. Jacob was the same way. He loved to sing even though his throat was so scarred by intubation tubes following his many surgeries that his voice had a permanent raspiness (new word!). But that didn't deter him from making a joyful noise. Many times at church and throughout the week, he would be totally consumed in his music, eyes closed, hands upraised, and in full volume.
I know I’ve shared that since Jacob’s death, my singing voice has gone silent. It’s very hard for me to sing. The words stick in the throat as the memories of Jacob's love for singing come to my mind. But I still love to listen to songs and the words they share. I may not make a sound anymore, but I'm singing, full volume, with Jacob.
Anyway, as I was walking and listening to the music, a song popped up by Kathy Troccoli and as I was listening it was like Jacob began tapping me on my shoulder, saying, “Pops, hey, I like that song. It could have been my life’s song if it wasn’t popular before my time.” So, with tears in my eyes, I listened a little more closely and, sure enough, it could have been. It fits him perfectly.
Here are the words:
Life can be so good; Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget; And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way, You'll be with me
My life is in your hands; My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope; Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands; And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing; Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
Nothing is for sure; Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love will live eternally
So I will find my rest, And I will find my peace
Knowing that you'll meet my every need
My life is in your hands; My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope; Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands; And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing; Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
When I'm at my weakest Lord; You carry me
Then I become my strongest Lord; In your hands
My life is in your hands; And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing; Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands; I trust you Lord
My life is in your hands
It's now become my newest favorite.
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