After Jacob's death, Karen created this blog to record insights in her grief journey. I would periodically write my insights on notes posted to my Facebook page. We feel it would be best served if we combined our efforts so I am beginning the process of copying those notes to this blog. They won't be in chronological order but I will put the original date on each one.
Tomorrow will be the last day of a superlative teaching career of my wife, Karen. I need to express my deepest love and admiration for her and what she has accomplished throughout her years of teaching – teaching that occurred in the classroom and many other places as well.
Karen started her teaching career late because of me. We married young, while both of us were still in college, though I was two years ahead of her. Following my graduation, we set out for Texas in order for me to attend seminary that would prepare me for my career in church ministry. Karen had to give up attending college in order to work to pay living expenses. She worked as a bank teller and a doctor’s secretary so I could get through my schooling and secure a staff position.
Following my seminary graduation, we set out for a tiny town in west Texas called Kermit. Karen was carrying our first son, Ben, when we made that move. During our short time there, Karen felt the urge to resume her college training and began taking classes at a junior college.
We moved on to Houston as I secured another church position there. Karen soon enrolled at Houston Baptist University and it was there that a spark ignited her passion for teaching. She was like a sponge soaking up educational principles and philosophy. In her ‘spare time’ she gave birth to Katie and continued to excel as a mother and as a spouse.
She graduated with honors (no surprise) and secured her first teaching job at a very challenging elementary school. Then we discovered that she was pregnant with Jacob and a few months later the trajectory of Karen’s teaching career took a very serious detour when we learned of Jacob’s potentially fatal heart defect that would require several open heart surgeries in far off Philadelphia.
Once again, Karen had to put aside personal career goals to become a stabilizing force in my life, a loving and caring mother for our three children, and to be Jacob’s life advocate.
After several moves to and in Florida, Jacob’s health was at such a place where Karen felt comfortable to resume teaching and taught several years at Deerwood Elementary in Orlando until an ugly situation developed at church that necessitated my moving on to another position, this time to Georgia.
Moving from Orlando was traumatic for our family. Both my parents and Karen’s mom and sisters lived there. Karen was forced to watch silently as I was pummeled professionally and yet she taught me what love really was about. She helped me to analyze my station in life and stood behind my decision to stay in the ministry (though she had grave reservations about it). It was very difficult to pull our family from local family and friends.
It was with our move to Georgia that Karen’s teaching career really took off. She secured a first grade position at Long Branch Elementary in Dahlonega and flourished there. She kept me entertained with stories of her ‘kiddos’ (my favorite part of her career). She went through the Masters program at North Georgia and had her sights on administration (she would have been a fantastic principal).
Once again, my career interfered with hers and we made a move to Cobb County. She taught for a few years at Compton Elementary School. She supervised a student teacher named Kim Russ and when Kim was interviewing for a position at Abney, the principal, Susan Culbreath, called Karen for a recommendation. As they called ‘shop’, Susan soon offered Karen a position as well.
Karen’s years at Abney have been a delight to her. She has continued to regale me with stories of her students and our home has filled up with gifts and mementos given to her by her adoring ‘firsties’.
The Abney family stood strongly by Karen during the many dark days of Jacob’s illnesses, heart transplants, and the darkest days following his passing. For that, the entire Edfeldt family will be forever thankful.
The classroom has always been a place of refuge for Karen. Each year her number one desire has been to create a safe place for the kids so that they can discover the love of learning that Karen so brilliantly displays to them. She fights fearlessly to let each child know they are loved and respected and they, in turn, need to show love and respect to their fellow students. Some have said she was too strict a disciplinarian. I won’t argue that she is tough (just ask her own children) but she believes that a structured atmosphere provides the security needed for learning to occur. Her students have discovered that through a disciplined approach to self-control and through an orderly discipline to acquiring and using knowledge they can achieve so much more than what they thought possible. Each child knows they are loved unconditionally and sometimes that love comes in a tough wrapping. But at the appropriate time, that tough love is always expressed with a hug or affirming word.
I have frequently sat in the corner of her room on ‘meet and greet’ nights with tears in my eyes as I watch a stream of former students and their parents come in expressing their love and appreciation to what Karen had done for them.
I regret that my career has always knocked Karen’s career off the path. And the challenges of being Jacob’s advocate for so many years have taken a dramatic toll on her. And now we face other life challenges in our family that has necessitated her, once again, to sacrifice her career for the sake of others she loves dearly. The absence of these life challenges could have resulted in her influence being extended to many more children. But as a favorite saying used in our family goes, ‘It is what it is.’
I will miss the stories of the many antics her ‘firsties’ provided that entertained me nightly. I will miss the sparkle in her eye when we spoke of her many ‘kiddos’ that had the light come on in mastering a skill. I will miss seeing the pictures of pumpkin rolls, little pilgrims and Indians, the seasonal group pictures by the tree, and being a secret reader.
But Karen and I know it’s time. In recent days as we agonized over this decision, she kept asking me when she should retire. Like a baseball coach coaxing a pitcher to give him one more inning, I would say, ‘just a little bit more’. But both Karen and I now recognize that she has given her all, given her best (and it was the BEST), but it’s time bring in the relief.
Karen, thank you, for your wonderful teaching career, despite the many unforeseen detours and obstacles you were forced to address. Now it’s time to enjoy the next phase of life and I look forward to enjoying it with you.
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